There’s a lot to be said for a fat woman wearing brave outfit choices. What I mean by brave is what society indicates as being brave because it’s not a part of the norm we’re confirmed to believe it correct. We’re told that large women shouldn’t wear stripes, bright colors, patterns, and tight fitting clothes. Then with the same breath. We’re told not to wear things that look too baggy, everything should be flattering, cover up… blah blah blah. Is it any wonder that so many plus size women have been though years of mental torment when it comes to just deciding what to wear on any given day! Even being pregnant now doesn’t let up the trolls!
I hope at some point we are all pretty confident about our bodies. Seeing beautiful, fat women wearing the most amazing outfits and quite frankly not giving a hoot about what people think. That’s the key. Over the last few years I’ve realized the key is to take control of your own insecurities. Put yourself back in control. Why are you scared to wear that dress? Like, why are you REALLY scared to wear it? I bet it all comes down to other people’s perceptions of you. Well guess what? Screw them. If you like it wear it.
I know that’s easier said than done. I REALLY know it is. So here’s an example of something I went through after having my first child. If you have had children you know what I am about to say. For most of us nothing fits the same clothing wise (a ton more comes as well but lets stick to cloths and fashion!!) Two months after having my 1st child I needed to get some new comfy "MOM" clothes. I ventured out by myself for a much need break and some retail therapy. I started in one of my favorite stores where every piece they made I loved. I wandered around enjoying my alone time looking at this and that when a sales associate came up to me. She asked if I needed any assistance and I told her I was just looking but I really was looking for an oversized sweater. I was feeling self conscious as I had gained weight after having the baby as we sat around ALOT and did not do much. She then proceeded to tell me that I was in the wrong store and nothing here was going to fit me. (Insert jaw drop)
It hit me like a brick wall. I had just had a baby, gain weight and was not really feeling like myself any more. Everything changed for me in that moment. Tears welled up in my eye and pretty much ran out of the store. When had I become plus sized and why was I being shunned. In my mind I was still the same person but looking in the mirror I didn't recognize who I was. Who was this much larger lady standing in front of me. When had I turned into someone I didn't recognize. Mirrors then became my enemy. I did not want to look in them unless absolutely necessary and don't even get me started on full length mirrors.
Was I going to stand out from now on because of being fat? Was I ever going to be able to find and feel confident in an outfit I going to wear? It just conformed to me that plus size woman could not be fashionable. Wait, WHAT......how is this even possible. Because I am not a 0-12 I am not longer able to wear what I want and feel fabulous doing so.
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.....when did this become an issue and why?
Moving on.....I spoke to my husband who is an incredibly supportive and always tells me I am beautiful, sexy etc. He really is a gem at building me up and has loved my all stages and sizes of my life. (If you have people in your life who bring you down or don’t support you, consider recycling them!). He told me that there is nothing wrong with my body, it's shape or size and if I wanted to wear something I should. This took a long time to sink in. I was perfect the way I was and if I wanted to wear something, anything I should. When did I let other people decide what I can and can not wear. I actively told myself to look at the positives. I'm alive, I'm happy and healthy, yes I'm over weight but that has never stopped me from doing all that I wanted to do. I was on a mission to find body confidence in all the plus size outfits I found, loved and wanted to wear.
I think the biggest way of getting over your own insecurities of what others think of you is to think that actually they could be saying something nice. Just as you automatically think they’re saying something negative. It could actually be positive. I mean, I felt amazing and looked it too. How did I ever think someone could make be feel shameful about my body and how I looked.
So yes, I have found a ton of outfits over the years that I look and feel amazing in. They are fashionable and down right sexy if you ask. I also have had lots of lovely compliments on what I wear too. It’s not about me being brave or breaking societies rules. It really isn’t. All it comes down to is me wearing what I want and not being affected by the negative messages we’ve been drip fed over the years. It’s about me accepting that I look the way I look and that’s OK. It’s about me realizing the people that matter don’t mind and the people that mind don’t matter. It gets easier. Trust me. Fitting in is out.........it really is.